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December 26th, 2009
ed_ucate
[xhabitualshine]
 | 11:29 pm - The day your thoughts askewed
Does anyone else remember when their perspective changed?
I don't necessarily mean the beginnings of a disorder, but the day you realized maybe your body wasn't perfect the way it was made?
I was at school, in the fourth grade. Lunchtime, of course. Two girls were across the table from me. I had a little game going where I would try to finish every bit of my food before the bell rung and I would take home my empty lunchbox. This was a bragging right, something to be proud of. "Oh, I can finish all my lunch, I am superior to my classmates who can't." These girls sized me up and asked "How can you eat that much and still stay so small?" I was small. I knew that. They went on to argue about whos thighs were bigger, how large they would balloon if they ate even half of my lunch, and on and on. And I thought about it too, and wondered, what makes me so special? Maybe I should eat less so I don't make them feel bad. Maybe I would look better anyways. These girls certainly aren't fat or ugly. What do they see that I don't see?
Current Music: She Paints Me Blue- Something Corporate
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December 25th, 2009
ed_recovery
[perfekt_engel]
 | 09:48 pm - Xmas
So,.. I have been doing so well recently, but have been 'thrown' by Xmas - wondering how many others have had a similar experience? I have in the past month or so truely sought recovery after 17 0r so years of torturing myself, my body and my mind, & yet today despite my best intentions found myself resorting to horrible old habits, I'm Hoping it's merely a glitch in my road? ... Because I am very focussed (well I'd thought I was - even coming to terms w my nutritionists 3 meals a day rule) .... It's harder than I thought :-(
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/annoyed.gif) annoyed
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December 24th, 2009
ed_recovery
[kiiara]
 | 07:39 am
Question about recovery from anorexia with purging tendencies
( Cut Just In Case it's Triggering. )
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December 18th, 2009
ed_recovery
[reshields86]
 | 09:33 am - aimee mann
"There is nothing that competes with habit; And I know it's neither deep nor tragic; It's simply that you have to have it"
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December 19th, 2009
ed_recovery
[euphoric1dr]
 | 02:10 am - a few questions
hi all,
i wonder if anyone else has similar struggles or has experienced the same, and could offer some advice.
i tend to think of eating as very numeric, or quantitatively - in terms of my meals, i find i still 'count' the number of things i eat each day, or the number of times i eat each day, and that's hard to break away from. oddly enough i don't worry about calories, nor do i weigh myself habitually - but i DO seem to stress out and think too much about how many items i eat for example, in one meal, or how many times i eat during one day.
can you all offer ideas/advice on how to break away from this? how to deal/cope with this?
Is there even any such thing as eating too many times a day? I mean, I don't think it's even POSSIBLE to eat like, 20 times a day right? I don't know...sorry if this is sounding confusing...but I notice I'm scared about / worried about eating too many times, this is why I allow myself to be hungrier during the day and then at night its a problem as I'm much too hungry by then.
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ed_recovery
[brain_opera]
 | 09:54 pm - Dreading Christmas and something has kicked me off again
Hello chaps.
I am really scared of Christmas. I've gained weight this year due to some contraception and I am trying, very hard, to not care. I have suffered from bulimia for almost ten years, now. I've never been in treatment for it though have been in treatment for BDD. It comes and goes- it was hardcore for a year or so, then I revert back for periods, not intentionally, just, it seems, when I am stressed or depressed.
I am stressed about things and I am hating my body with a passion.
I am stressed about stupid stuff and I hope you don't mind me venting about it here.
I am stressed about Christmas and all the food. I want to be normal, I want to be healthy and I have been trying but I can see my belly, I know I am medically overweight, it scares me.
My boyfriend kissed me yesterday and smelled the sick. My heart almost froze. I have these lies I tell him and he sees right through them.
I feel like my ugly and fat appearance makes me a kind of jester and fool. And stupidly (really stupidly, I am aware of this), I am jealous of my ex's new girlfriend. My ex and his girlfriend are both brilliant people, but she is so slim, so utterly beautiful that I wonder if people are laughing at me, laughing at how fat and ugly and mad I am, how lucky he is not to be with me anymore, how I didn't deserve him or anyone else in the first place. I seem to have lost a lot of friends this year and it has made me question my entire worth. I feel worthless a lot of the time.
I know that is irrational and ridiculous but it's how I feel.
My boyfriend cooks for me. Healthy, nutritious stuff- partly to get me to eat. I don't want to go back to the miserable life of throwing up. I am slipping back into it. I keep feeling like a total fraud because I am medically overweight. I wasn't until recently. I feel like nobody would believe me if I asked for help, and that i'm not that bad anyway.
I am just scared and I don't want to feel like this anymore.
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December 17th, 2009
ed_recovery
[reshields86]
 | 01:20 am - "Skinny"
Anyone read the book "Skinny" by Ibi Kaslik? I just finished it and I found some of it triggering but for the most part I found it a little "out there". While I have a very severe eating disorder, the girl in the book seemed to be struggling with something almost schizophrenic. However, this may just be a thought I'm having because I don't have a person in my head I talk to? I've heard of that and I understand that. This girl's "person" materialized though. Like she could see her and describe her clothes and would touch her and stuff. Has anyone else experienced this in their eating disorder or is this part of the fictional aspects of the book to make it more "real"
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/okay.gif) blah
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December 16th, 2009
ed_ucate
[toomuchtochew]
 | 05:18 pm - Depression
According to Dr. Oz, these are the symptoms of depression: •Loss of interest in things you enjoy
•Changes in weight or appetite
•Change in sleeping patterns
•Feeling of sadness, guilt and hopelessness
•Making other people feel depressed and pointless (bringing other people down) Many people in this community have probably experienced depression. Do you agree with this list of symptoms? Would you add or remove any? Have you ever experienced any of these (presumably yes, since this is an ED community)? What did you do to recover?
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ed_ucate
[lilacpetals]
 | 01:01 pm - Website design help
Hi everybody! I'm looking for somebody who's good at making websites to help me out.
For the past few years, I've been running the Purple Ribbon Campaign, which raises money for local charities that support people's recovery. Well, the campaign has grown a lot since it started, and it's outgrown its freewebs.com page. I want to get a domain name and make it a nice website...but I'm a dunce at html and the like.
Is there anybody who's up for a holiday project who knows stuff about making websites and who wants to help?
For more info on the campaign, here's the current website http://www.freewebs.com/edawareness/ and the facebook group http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=2233086041
Reply to this or message me if you're able to help!
Or, if you want to help raise money for any of the dozens of support centres around the world that I'm trying to raise money for, let me know. Every little bit counts.
Thanks!
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ed_ucate
[reillume]
 | 12:53 pm - "Her Power"
Hello! My name is Serafina. I am in recovery from an eating disorder and I used to be active on this community on my old username (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gasping) but I somehow forgot about it when I moved journals - shame on me!
However, since I've joined again today, I wanted to make a post about this new and exciting project in my life called Her Power. It's an internet-based organization geared toward women that seeks to raise, promote, and spread awareness of the power that creative expression can possess in overcoming unhealthy coping behaviors, painful life experiences, and emotional stress; it will begin launching in January 2010 from its website at www.herpower.org.
We have a facebook fan page here, http://www.facebook.com/herpower, as well. I'm an alum of The Renfrew Center of Florida and I speak there often. I recently presented my plans for Her Power and received an overwhelming response of amazing feedback which only served to fan my creative fire even more. :)
If this cause interests you at all, please fan us on facebook! As I noted, the site will be up in January.
Also, for those of you in or around Nashville, Tennessee - I will be presenting at Middle Tennessee State University on February 23, 2010 during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and everyone is invited! Comment and/or email me for more info.
I would also love more responses to this survey I created on the power of creative expression in recovery and I'm currently accepting submissions of creative work for the website!
Feel free to contact me either by commenting on this entry or emailing me at SERAFINA at HERPOWER dot ORG! Thank you so much for reading, keep creating and shining :)
~Serafina
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December 15th, 2009
ed_recovery
[belljar76]
 | 05:26 pm - beyond scared--please help
i am planning on going to walden behavioral's residential program starting jan 1 and am scared beyond words. i did their inpatient program about 4+ years ago and only lasted a week and a few days (didn't have a terrible time with the food thing but my depression got the better of me and i cried pretty much every day i was there. being dropped off there brought up some abandonment/separation anxiety issues i had as a kid, a huge contributor to my developing anorexia in the first place. the thing is, i have "lived" with this illness for 17 years and am scared that they won't be able to help me (my therapist, of all people, even mentioned this as a possibility- i've since stopped seeing her for the meanwhile, so i have had a terrible time dealing with the prospect of this treatment lately). anyone been in the residential program and can ease my mind a bit? tell me what a typical day is like? i am also a very picky eater (don't even eat salads...curiously enough, my diet consists of a lot of "no-no" foods for your typical anorexic). what will make this treatment even more difficult for me is the fact that i am a grad student in psychology and wrote a dissertation on how these programs fail clients. i am so trying to keep an open mind...but need some help.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/scared.gif) scared
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